I decided to stop whining about this whole “I’m bored and lonely and I hate college boys because all they want to do is waste 5 minutes of my time trying to unhook my bra and make me all exasperated and infuriated” thing and do something about it.
So I joined OkCupid. (Whatever, don’t judge me.)
In theory, dating sounded AWESOME. Trying new places? Exploring the city? Meeting fun people? Talking about myself for hours and hours? Sign me up!
In reality? SHIT IS HARD.
I find myself completely fascinating and love talking about myself as much as the next narcissist, but when you do it for hours on end? It gets old. You know what’s even worse? When the other person doesn’t have ANYTHING REMOTELY INTERESTING TO SAY. Which basically makes me want to scratch my nails down a chalkboard in the hopes that it will 1) take my mind off of the excruciating pain I am currently in or 2) distract them long enough for me to teleport to another planet to escape or 3) cause them to spontaneously combust, ultimately ending my misery and saving all women everywhere from ever having to hear them drone on about the joys of leather paper weights and the whether or not the new jacket they just bought on sale at Men’s Wearhouse was a sports coat or a half of an actual suit and what’s the difference between the two and OH MY GOD I DO NOT CARE.
(Seriously. I wish I was kidding. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I wanted to.)
But really men — it’s not that hard. All you have to do is BE INTERESTING. If you can keep me entertained by feeding me alcohol or dancing with me or giving me riddles to figure out, YOU’RE IN. (Not LIT-RALLY IN, IN, but you know what I mean. Pervs.) If you’re interesting, I will like you. If you’re interesting and cute, I will want to make out with you (because let’s face it, I never pretended I wasn’t shallow.)
NOW IS THAT SO DIFFICULT?
While I do enjoy a good rant, I can’t complain that this was entirely negative. I learned a lot about what I don’t want, and about where I draw boundaries and all that personal growth jazz. (Yeah, I figured it all out in a week, so what? I’m good like that.) And there could be a small chance I might be interested in maybe potentially hypothetically speaking seeing if one sticks around for a bit, but that’s yet to be determined.
In the meantime, however, I need to stop coping with this nonsense by consuming exorbitant amounts of sushi and sake bombs and remind myself I’ve got this whole school thing to do. (Gross.)
Someone please tell me they did something fun/relaxing/sexy this weekend. I WANT TO KNOW NOW.
{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }
I fixed it! You’re welcome. That was a very enlightening experience…I’m going to go download about 10 new plugins now.
I went to a great bday party on Friday night…CKB even spent the night! Saturday was pretty sucktastic, but at least I got one good night in :).
Mary´s last blog ..Miracles
You’re my hero. And plugins are fantastic.
Glad CKB got to spend the night my dear :)
You promised me an update! What the french, toast?
LiLu´s last blog ..Solicited Advice Welcome
COMING SOON I PROMISE.
Keep your head up, you know what you don’t want so your already ahead of the game!
Rachael´s last blog ..Questions & Concerns
I’m trying!
Based my brief dabblings, OkCupid was good for two things: poking fun at online dating sites and poking fun at myself for rating men with stars.
Dating is a shit show, plain and simple. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is either insane or married to their highschool sweetheart.
End rant.
:)
Hannah´s last blog ..There is no time, she writes.
Doesn’t marrying your high school sweetheart also fall under the category of insane!?
Agreed. That is all.
Jessica´s last blog ..Decision Making, Being a Comparer and Other Life Things
I hated dating.
Which is why I’m never dumping Andrew.
Even if his farts are lethal. I’d rather deal with his farts than to go on another first date.
PQ´s last blog ..Awkward.
Good plan. I just need to find an Andrew. Preferably sans smelly farts.
It’s posts like this that make me realize if, God forbid, something ever happened to my wife, I’d be a single guy. It sounds like dating hasn’t changed much – it’s a lot of work and the expectations – - – yikes :)
It’s SOOO much work! Be thankful you’re married!
Dating is evil. I was never good at it, mostly because my relationships always seemed to grow out of friendships. But I have been on many first dates that didn’t go anywhere and they were mostly a nightmare. I never knew there were so many boring guys out in the world . . .
Lindsay´s last blog ..Spin Cycle
Seriously! It’s not that hard to be interesting. I don’t know why people suck so bad at it.
I did.
Ellie´s last blog ..Country roads.
Hang in there! There are plenty of fantastic guys out whinning about horrible first dates with insane young ladies. It happens, makes it better when something great comes along and all those cliches. And since you asked, I went to the coast and had a bonfire and roasted marshmallows and drank whiskey in the surf under the moonlight, it was all hopelessly poetically romantic.
Sean´s last blog ..Teeth Brushing Madness
I hope there are lots and lots of men who are tired of psycho women and I can just swoop right in and capitalize on the fact that I’m not batshit insane. Fingers crossed.
Also, your weekend sounds amazing and I would like to be invited the next time this goes down.
Um, I went out on a date this weekend with someone from OKCupid. So, hi, parallel lives?
He asked me to meet him at this bar in an alleyway in Chinatown. So, that was a good start. And, it actually wasn’t a bad date. It was fine. But, shit, online dating is such an ACTIVE EFFORT.
I just want some guy to come screeching into my life and then give me absolute no choice as to whether or not I want to be with him. IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!?
Um I feel like my response to you warrants some epically long e-mail but I’ll get to that eventually because HOLY HELL we are totally in the same situation.
Alleyway in Chinatown? Sign me up. Want to take me skydiving out of a prop plane that was built before the second world war? I’m in. Care to share needles? Sounds like fun! My decision making skills have much to be desired.
Glad the date went well though. I’ve had one amazing one, and then a couple that crashed and burned.
And it is not too much to ask to have some guy just fall into our laps. And while they’re at it, make sure they’re handsome and successful and smart and rich and love puppies and unicorns and ME. It’s basically no problem at all.
I basically live my weekends like a college kid. Some highlights from this weekend included a 4 mile hash run up a mountain followed by tasty microbrews (hash clubs describe themselves as “a drinking club with a running problem”), telling girls I’m in a band (because when they set you up with “Are you in a band?” you have to say yes. Also: I look like I’m in a band) and STRIPPER KARAOKE. Basically, these off duty strippers get together and go do karaoke on Sunday’s into the wee hours of the morning. Also, dating sucks but I have yet to cross over into the world of online dating. I don’t know what I’m waiting for though. Worse case scenario: You have an interesting blog post.
Kyle, I think we need to hang out. Stripper karaoke sounds like the best idea ever and I would really like to meet whoever created that and just thank them profusely.
And yes, I have an interesting blog post except not when THEY READ MY BLOG and let’s be honest — some pain is just not worth it for other people’s enjoyment.
Something exciting from my weekend…playing 7th wheel at dinner to two non-couples who are ridiculously confused about their feelings and one real couple that is plagued by infidelity but only the offending half of the couple knows about it. So many secrets and lies and games in that night. How did I deal with it? By drinking a 32 oz. margarita and being drunk by 9 p.m. And then a rousing game of quarters upon the return to the boys’ house. Followed by passing out while each of the three couples hooked up above my head.
I’d almost prefer to have been on a horrible first date. :) Hang in there!
Late-Night Drama Queen´s last blog ..22 going on 13?
Holy crap woman. I am mostly impressed by the fact that you managed to be drunk and keep all those secrets! Ugh hang in there though because one day it will be your turn and you won’t have any of their problems!
Hahaha yeahhh…I’ve gotten into trouble with drunkenly divulging secrets before. It’s my New Year’s resolution to keep my lips sealed! :)
Late-Night Drama Queen´s last blog ..22 going on 13?
Online dating is like a full time job, that you don’t get paid for. Awful.
I don’t think I would take that job even it paid me. Ugh.
Ha!
*grunt*
Mike129´s last blog ..The Cooking Class
I’m looking forward to the day when I can “Ha!” about it too!
I understand.
You will get there. You have that whole “very beautiful” thing on your side. It should work on normalish guys, too. ;)
Mike129´s last blog ..The Cooking Class
Online dating stresses me the fuck out. I have only ever met one person from it in real life, and we’re still hanging out but I can’t tell whether he likes me. And I can’t blog it because he reads my blog. LIFE IS HARD.
Things I did this weekend: work an overnighter conference (ALL WEEKEND) at a hotel with 350 high school students. And the fire alarms went off twice. And I almost accompanied a student to the hospital. Umm not fun or sexy. But I DID sleep in a junior suite in a king-sized bed. Glorious. Silver lining!
THEY READ MY BLOG TOO! Grrrr. Anytime you need to post something though, feel free to send it over and I will post it for you :)
That weekend of high school students sounds beyond stressful so mad props to you for surviving!
Don’t give up yet, friend. Yes, you may have to do a lot of sifting. But I think that college girls on such dating sites have a great shot at finding a good man. Try pof.com maybe, or a pay one as well. Good luck to you!
greekphysique´s last blog ..Vote for Tabathia
I’ve thought about pof — heard better things about it. We shall see. Either way, I’m sure I’ll keep writing about it!
I have never dated. Ever. Wait. That sounds sad. Let me ’splain. I have always attracted dysfunctional guys. Dependency issues? Anger management problems? Chemically imbalanced in ANY way? I’m the one they flock to! Lucky me! This is why I never dated. Talking once or twice was enough for me to know that I should run for the hills.
My husband and I started what we called “dating” in high school, but it was SO not dating. We were just at the same place at the same time, being sane together. It was so nice. ^_^
Sooooo…I really have no idea what I’m talking about, but, seeing as that’s never even come close to stopping me before, I’m going to blather a little bit.
You are obviously intelligent, funny and pretty. Know this: Stability, a positive attitude and the ability to function well within society are like pheromones for weirdos, so WATCH OUT. I am certain there is at least ONE single interesting (hopefully attractive and functional) man SOMEWHERE in your area. I hope you find him before you have to go through anymore sport coat lectures. Bless you, child.
Damn I hope I find him too. Otherwise I’m going to give up and join a convent. I think a big problem is that these guys find me super entertaining and interesting when in reality I’m just babbling on to keep myself entertained. Very problematic. Thanks for the support though :)
Oh hun please. YOUR dates actually sound like fun. I’ve met guy a who have told me on the very first night he met me, that they haven’t had sex in 9 months. I’ve had a guy ask me if I was a high class hooker because he couldn’t afford me. I’ve gone on dates where the guy said nothing for 2 hours – he was just happy to sit next to me. He just smiled at EVERYTHING I said. I’ve had a guy tell me that he couldn’t be bothered to learn my real name because it was simply too difficult for him. Oh and let’s not forget the guy who could only tell the truth when drunk.
Fuck … I’m going to cry now.
Sid Kane´s last blog ..It’s just like Facebook – weekend photos
HOLY. CRAP. I take back all of my complaints — you totally win the award for worst dates.
Well, my wife and I went out for awesome sushi downtown. Does that count?
It DOES count. Because I also went out for awesome sushi downtown (and just happened to not write about the awesome parts of my weekend.)
Definitely hang in there! I think you read all these awesome male bloggers and we set the bar too high for average men that you may find on OK Cupid.
there’s good guys in Colorado I could introduce you to… just sayin’..
Matt´s last blog ..John Cusack’s forehead IS shiny.
CURSE YOU MATT, for creating such unrealistic standards for all men everywhere to live up to. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
Also, I’m thinking of planning a little CO trip for March so get those men lined up.
seriously, online dating (and dating in general) makes me break out in hives…although meeting someone online is beginning to be the most likely way I’ll ever meet someone.
as for my weekend, part of it was spent in a corner weeping my brains out and then the rest was spent indoors watching movies because north carolina actually got some snow and ice, thus making everything close down. so, in short, CRAPPY.
thatShortChick´s last blog ..when life hands you lemons
I’ve been saying for a while now that I’m bound to meet my husband online because I SPEND SO MUCH OF MY TIME HERE. But I thought he would basically just find me and fall stupidly in love with me and we’d live happily ever after. It’s exhausting just waiting for that to happen.
Standing slow clap for this entire post, and for you in general really.
nicoleantoinette´s last blog ..my new job, my new blog design, and how my new job can lead to *you* winning a new blog design of your own. also, fuck yes.
YESSSSSS. I love standing slow claps. What an honor.
okcupid is a total hit of miss. so i met my manfriend on there and the rest is history, but i met a hell of a lot of duds to get to him.
that being said, RIGHT ON with you on at the very least, you’re finding out more of what you DO and DON’T want. leather paper weights goes under the DON’T WANT FUCKING EVER category. i would think. but then again i guess it’s good to be open?
I’m glad you’re a success story because I had started to lose hope. For me it’s like when I meet the guy in person I’m all, “Okkkkk I get it now why you’re on here” but they’re all “Why the HELL are you on here?” as if I’m the desperate one or something which I’m not. I don’t know. This is all so very confusing but I’m happy that it worked out with you! Fingers crossed I have similar luck :)